dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
