Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
