Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
