Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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