More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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