I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
