and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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