he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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