Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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