you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize