Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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