Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
