I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
This house was built for laser tag.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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