His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
