So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
