hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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