and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
