It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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