I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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