i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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