What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
