eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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