i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize