Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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