i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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