Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I think my vagina is haunted
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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