I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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