so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
