wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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