were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
handjob tips. give me some.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
