I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
