I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
