Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
