I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
