I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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