Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
