I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
