he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
