i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
