Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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