please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
