I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
