she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
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