atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
