He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
