i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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