I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
