i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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