I looked at my own cervix.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
