I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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