I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
