So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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