Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
