i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
the condom got lost in my hair
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
wow bdsm is so cute
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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