If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
