The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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