Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
