i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
