ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
