I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
