Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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