im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
