You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
