If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
