guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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