the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
