sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
