we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
