I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
