i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
