Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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