break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
