i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
