dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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