I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
