I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
