i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I made him laugh his dick is mine
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
