i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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