worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
