oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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