Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
