we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
