just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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