Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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