God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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