Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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