butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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