the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
